For Good

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

Since I’ve arrived in Paris, I have to say I feel as though I’ve learned quite a lot. I’ve learned the ins and outs of French grammar, crucial travel survival skills, how to live in another country, and how to be happy on my own. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned a lot about people. If I had to choose one thing, if I had to choose the most important thing that I’ve taken away from all of this, I would say I’ve come to appreciate just how big of a role relationships play in life. The people that I’ve come into contact with here have shaped my life in ways that I never anticipated. In saying good-bye I realized how deeply attached to these people I am. With Carolin, Emily, and Gabi this realization came as no surprise. I did not, however, expect to feel so torn about parting with Mme Dugan, or the ISA staff, or my classmates, or even casual friends that I may never see again. These people are just as crucial to my experience as my closest friends are.

Nearing the end, I can’t help but think about the conversations I had with friends back in the States upon my arrival in Paris. During my first bouts of homesickness I was so doubtful that Paris would ever feel like a real home. I was so doubtful that I would never become close to all the new people I was meeting. I remember being told to wait it out, to calm down, being told that eventually these friends would feel like home. I was reminded of my initial panic upon moving away to college, and look at how wonderfully that turned out. Ultimately everything my friends and family told me ended up being true. Ma vie parisienne is everything I hoped it would be, filled with great experiences, beautiful memories, and meaningful friendships that have given me enough happiness to last a lifetime.

Buckling down to study during finals week here, was no easy feat. The weather was finally warm and all the four of us wanted to do was soak up every last minute we had together. We resorted to studying in parks and cafes with one another trying to bring together all the French we’d learned in the last 4 months. We took lots of walks attempting to imprint the memory of our magical city in our minds. Gabi and I took our last walks to Bastille and to Parc de la Villette. I wandered aimlessly throughout the Latin Quarter. We explored Buttes Chaumont, the exposition outside Les Jardins de Luxembourg, and Palais Tokyo. We got a little too acquainted with the inside of one tiniest elevators I’ve ever seen in Europe (the four of us exceeded the weight limit, got stuck, and had to be rescued by the French Pompiers—a process that took well over an hour). We had our last Crous lunch together. All of it was impossibly bittersweet.

On Tuesday I picked Maria up from Charles de Gaulle airport bright and early in the morning. I proudly bought my metro and RER tickets, arrived at the airport, took the shuttle bus to the proper terminal, and waited at the gate that I was sure she was coming out of. It was such a stark contrast to three years ago when I had attempted to make the same journey to meet Aunt Mary at that same gate in that same damn airport. The girl waiting for Aunt Mary was pathetically lost, not at all confident in her abilities to speak French, and was at the verge of bursting into hysterics at any given moment. I’m happy to say the girl waiting for Maria had no resemblance to that girl from three years ago at all.




Seeing Maria again was everything I’d hoped it would be. Within 30 seconds after the initial giddiness of seeing one another again had subsided, we picked up right where we left of 4 months ago, talking eagerly about all that we had been doing since we last saw each other. I was so excited to show someone from home my life in Paris. And if anyone could understand by desire for a nomadic life, and my love of travel and of other countries, it’s Maria. Ours is one of those “old and familiar” relationships that never fails in bringing us “far from where we started.” The adventures we’ve had together, and will have together are innumerable.

In a way having Maria in Paris is a symbolic merging of my two lives. When I finally return home, I’m going to have to find a way to live my old life while still keeping Paris and all its lessons with me. It’s a new chapter I’m looking forward to starting. Maria is my bridge, she makes leaving Paris more bearable because she reminds me of home and what’s waiting for me there. Plus I’ll always be in touch with my friends here; their presence and our memories will stay with me wherever I go. We’ve been with each other through such an intense, concentrated period of growth, and it’s impossible not to influence each other. Emily has taught me to, no matter what, unabashedly be who you are, and to be honest with yourself and with others at all times. Carolin has taught me to appreciate people, to be more loving, to always try to give a little more, and to constantly remind the people that matter just how important they are. Alex has taught me that humor can get you through pretty much any situation, and to never take life to seriously. Mme Dugan, in her absolute pessimism, has reminded me to always remain optimistic. And Gabi. Gabi has taught me to go in the direction of your dreams confidently no matter what it costs you, and that there is no end to the adventures you can have in any setting that you find yourself. We’re all leaving each other a little bit different than when we met, and I couldn’t be happier for it.

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better—but, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” …A la prochaine mes amours